It's Not About Me!
Tired, overwhelmed and just plain old frustrated. That's exactly how I felt. I had spent way too many years in transition.
As a matter of fact, I would no longer call it 'transition', I'm just flat out stuck!
I have had the opportunity to speak with many other women who are essentially complaining about the same thing. Whether they are in between failed relationships, completely over playing with the toddler all day long, or just dying to get out from underneath the shadow of their in-laws'; being stuck is the worst feeling in the world!
I personally believe, the most agonizing position anyone can be in is within a space that is not facilitating growth. And as daughters of the King, by nature we can't help but want more out of life. Like I mean, always. We always want more!
This is why I was devastated after my job interview amounted to nothing! I thought for sure I had done well this time around. Plus, it was suppose to be my ticket out; the pay would've been better, I would've had better hours; but importantly, I would've had an opportunity to be challenged. It was my out from being at a job that was sucking everything out of me!
But unfortunately I was told; "Monique, it was wonderful meeting you and hearing about your passion for education, but unfortunately we offered the job to another candidate and they accepted it."
Blah, blah, blah, blah... I wanted to hear words of acceptance and approval, not words of desertion and dismissal.
Instead of wanting me, they rejected me!
But what about me Lord? What about what I want? What about what I need? Can't you see that I am trapped? Can't you see that I am drowning? Can't you give me some relief?
As my thoughts were reigning out 'me, me, me, me...', I was reminded of the prayer I uttered right before the job interview. It was the same prayer I've prayed before all the other interviews:
"Lord, if this job is not for me, then I don't want it. If this is not within your plans, then cancel it. I don't want to be anywhere outside of your will. Let your will be done, in Jesus' Name. Amen."
Here I was complaining about the very thing that I prayed for.
What if God wanted me positioned exactly where I was planted? What if He wanted me to know His will; not just to taste it with one foot in and the other out; to be right in the centre of it? What if God was using the places where I am stuck as a means to build me? What if God was teaching me about the mind of Christ- that it is not self-centered; rather it is centered on Him?
It's those bigger lessons in the small places that God teaches us about Himself.
" Let this mind be in us which is also in Christ Jesus (Phil 2:5)"
When I received the revelation that the mind of Christ is not focussed on me, but that it is focussed on Him; I repented. I realized that I needed to be thankful for those closed doors because had they been opened, I would've been parked outside of the will of God.
Today I am thankful for the mind of Christ that looks upward and rests on God.
Speak God's Word over your Life:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I will give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)